Working with Core Beliefs
Our core beliefs are like the lenses through which we view ourselves, others, and the world. They form from our past experiences and are our mind’s way of trying to protect us or help us make sense of the world.
Core beliefs are deeply held, general thoughts about ourselves, others, and the world. These beliefs can be things like:
"I'm not good enough."
"People can't be trusted."
"The world is a dangerous place."
While these beliefs often start as protective mechanisms, they can become unhelpful when we hold onto them too tightly. They can start to shape our actions and limit our choices, pulling us away from the things we truly care about and value.
The Protective Purpose of Core Beliefs
Our minds are trying their best to protect us. They create core beliefs based on our experiences, often to help us navigate uncertainty, avoid pain, or keep us safe. The problem is, these beliefs can become rigid over time, and what once helped us may no longer serve us in the present. It’s like wearing a suit of armor that once kept us safe but has since rusted and no longer fits. Instead of protecting us, it weighs us down and makes it harder to move forward. For example, a belief like "I'm not good enough" may have been useful at one point, pushing you to work hard and improve. But if you hold onto it too tightly, it can keep you from taking risks, trying new things, or accepting yourself as you are.
How Core Beliefs Affect Us
Core beliefs influence everything we think, feel, and do. When we get hooked by them, they feel like unshakable truths. For example, if you believe "I'm not good enough," you might:
Avoid new opportunities or challenges for fear of failure.
Push yourself too hard in an attempt to prove your worth.
Struggle to accept compliments or praise from others.
When we hold onto our core beliefs too tightly, they can limit us and create unnecessary pain - pulling us away from what truly matters to us.
Understanding Our Core Beliefs
It can be helpful to shift our focus to understanding our core beliefs and recognizing their role in our lives. We don't need to fight them or try to change them completely, but rather learn to see them for what they are: stories our minds have created to help us navigate the world.
When we acknowledge these beliefs and their protective nature, we can then decide whether they are still useful or if they're pulling us away from our values. The goal isn't to eliminate these beliefs, but to acknowledge them and make space for new, more workable ways of thinking and acting.
Steps to Try:
1.Notice and Name the Belief: Recognize the core belief you’re holding. You can say, "This is the 'I'm not good enough' belief," or "This is the belief that 'People can't be trusted.'" By naming it, you can begin to create distance between you and the belief.
2. Acknowledge Its Purpose: Reflect on where this belief came from. Often, core beliefs form out of the mind’s desire to protect you or help you navigate difficult situations. Ask yourself, "What was this belief trying to protect me from? What was it trying to help me do?" Understanding the purpose behind the belief can help you appreciate its intention, even if it's no longer serving you. You can try saying to yourself “Thanks mind, I know you’re trying to help - but I’ve got this!”.
3. Ask Yourself: Is This Belief Helpful?: Ask yourself whether this belief is still helping you live the life you want. Sometimes, beliefs that once protected us can start to hold us back. If the belief is no longer helpful, it might be time to loosen your grip on it.
4. Get Curious: Notice how this belief shows up in your life. Get curious about it. And remember: curiosity works best when it’s paired with kindness. It’s okay to have difficult thoughts. Instead of trying to fight them, see if you can meet them with curiosity and self-compassion. Here are some questions that may help you to step back and see your thoughts in a new way:
Is there a different way I could look at this, that could help me handle the situation better?
Does this thought help me live the kind of life I want, or does it pull me away from it?
What does this thought ask me to do? Do I want to listen?
What would I say to a friend or family member in the same situation?
Is my mind trying to interpret this situation without all the evidence?
If I buy into this thought, what is the effect?
Am I thinking in all-or-nothing terms?
What does this thought say about what I care about?
Have I had this thought before? Did it turn out to be true? Was it helpful?
5. Commit to New Actions: Rather than focusing on changing the belief, focus on actions that align with your values. Ask yourself, “How can I respond in a way that lines up with my values and the type of person I want to be?”. Start taking small steps toward living in line with your values, even if the belief is still there.
Troubleshooting: When Core Beliefs Are Stubborn
"This belief is so true!": It’s okay to acknowledge that the belief feels true. The goal isn’t to argue with it, but to recognize that it doesn’t always have to control your actions.
"I’ve tried shifting it, but it keeps coming back.": Core beliefs are deeply ingrained and may resurface. Be patient and recognize that change takes time. Keep practicing the process of noticing, questioning, and acting based on your values.
"I don’t know how to act differently.": Start with small actions. You don’t need to change everything at once. Identify one small, realistic step that reflects your values, and take it.
And remember - core beliefs are not inherently "bad" – they’re often trying to help us. But sometimes, letting go of beliefs that no longer serve us allows us to act in ways that are more aligned with our true values.