Getting Curious About Our Thoughts
We all have "negative" thoughts. It’s part of being human. Often, when we try to push these thoughts away or replace them with "positive" ones, they come back even stronger. But there’s another way: unhooking from our thoughts and finding new, more helpful ways of speaking to ourselves.
There are many ways to do this—there’s no single "right" way. One approach is to get curious about our thoughts when they show up. Instead of battling them, we can take a step back, notice them, and explore them with openness and flexibility. If we find ourselves fighting with our thoughts, that might be a sign to pause and try another approach.
A Helpful Metaphor
Imagine your thoughts are like passengers on a bus. Some are helpful, some are loud, some try to take control of the wheel. You don’t have to throw them off the bus, but you also don’t have to let them drive. Instead, you can notice them, acknowledge them, and choose where to steer.
Getting Curious: Questions to Ask Yourself
Here are some questions that can help you step back and see your thoughts in a new way:
Is this thought opening me up to life, or is it closing me off?
Does this thought help me live the kind of life I want, or does it pull me away from it?
What does this thought ask me to do? Do I want to listen?
What would I say to a younger version of myself who was having this thought?
Does this thought help me move toward the kind of person I want to be?
What is my mind trying to do for me with this thought? (e.g., Protect me? Prepare me? Warn me?)
Is this thought helpful?
Am I falling into any thinking traps?
Are there other ways of looking at this that may be more helpful?
What would I say to a friend or family member in the same situation?
Is my mind trying to interpret this situation without all the evidence?
Is my mind jumping to conclusions?
If I buy into this thought, what is the effect?
Am I thinking in all-or-nothing terms?
What does this thought say about what I care about?
Have I had this thought before? Did it turn out to be true?
If this thought were a friend giving me advice, would I take it?
Am I assuming the worst here?
Is this ______ (anxiety, depression, internal critic, etc) talking?
Self-Compassion Matters
Our minds are constantly working to keep us safe and prepared. Sometimes, they take shortcuts, offering up thoughts that are meant to protect or motivate us—even if they aren’t always helpful. Think of your mind like an overly helpful friend who always has something to say. This friend means well, but they don’t always give the best advice. Part of our job is to notice when our thoughts are pulling us in unhelpful directions and choose how we want to respond, rather than getting caught up and jerked around by them.
Curiosity works best when it’s paired with kindness. It’s okay to have difficult thoughts. Instead of trying to fight them, what if you could meet them with curiosity and self-compassion?
Experiment and Find What Works for You
Not every question will resonate with you, and that’s okay. Try experimenting with different ways of getting curious about your thoughts. If one approach doesn’t work, there are always other ways to explore. The goal isn’t to get rid of thoughts—it’s to change how you relate to them.
Reflection Exercise
Take a moment to consider:
What are some thoughts that I tend to get hooked by?
When these thoughts show up, what are some questions that may help me to start seeing things in a more helpful way?
How can I remember to practice these skills? (i.e. journaling, sticky note reminders, etc).